You Know You’re an Asshole Doctor if…

I find your disillusionment with your job affecting my diagnosis here.

A patient comes to you explaining that they have trouble losing weight despite good diet and exercise. You look at them and say something to the effect of, “Yeah right, workout more.Yes the vast majority of people who complain of this are eating poorly and probably not taking the best care of themselves. They may […]

D-Bag Bill Collectors

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Being an adult sucks sometimes. I mean, I never want to have to go back to being a teenager with limited freedoms and raging hormones.  But back then when the bill collectors called my mom handled them because she was the adult in charge. Even through college when I was still under her health insurance, […]

You Know You’re an Asshole When You Go to the Fast Food Place If…

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You are extremely and morbidly and at deaths door obese and your young child is also on the way and you take them to get fast food. This is even douchey-er if: You yell at them to finish all their food. You ask if they want another meal once they are done. You order an […]

You Know You’re and Asshole When You Go to a Concert If…

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You pick people out in line to mock. Be it for their clothing, weight, hairstyle or that they are wearing the shirt of a band you dislike. You then, not only make fun of them to your friends, but out loud to the person themselves. The insults are never very educated or creative.    They are […]

You Know You’re an Asshole When You Go to a Restaurant If…

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  1. The hostess/host is away from her post when you walk in, and being impatient, you seat yourself in any section that pleases you. 2. The hostess/host seats you and you dislike where you are sitting, (because it’s not a booth or not positioned the way another table is, etcetera), so instead of politely […]

You Know You’re An Asshole When You Go to the Movie Theater If…(Part 3)

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21. You throw or slam your money or card at the cashier. 22. You don’t flush after using the bathroom. 23. You splatter water all over the bathroom by shaking your hands dry instead of using paper towels or the hand dryer. 24. You leave your small children with a worker while you leave the […]

You Know You’re an Asshole When You Go to the Movie Theater If…(Part 2)

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11. You go and sit in the theater while the worker is cleaning or before the worker gets there. You refuse to move when they come in, despite sitting in a row that is absolutely disgusting. You mock them while they clean, and then complain when your row hasn’t been cleaned. 12. You have your cell phone […]

You Know You’re An Asshole When You Go to the Movie Theater If….(Part 1)

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1. You go to the movie theater and complain to the Box Office Cashier as if the prices had outrageously changed by massive amounts of money since you were last there, (this is void if you haven’t seen a movie in years, haven’t talked to anyone who has seen a movie, or avoid the internet or other forms of […]