You Know You’re an Asshole When You Go to a Restaurant If…


1. The hostess/host is away from her post when you walk in, and being impatient, you seat yourself in any section that pleases you.

2. The hostess/host seats you and you dislike where you are sitting, (because it’s not a booth or not positioned the way another table is, etcetera), so instead of politely asking to be seated somewhere else, if possible, you wait until the host/hostess has walked away, and re-seat yourself anywhere you like.

3. You complain to the waiter/waitress that the past 2-6 times you have been there your food was terrible or messed up and that they better make your meal delicious, perfect, and enjoyable this time.

Why do people do this? If you know you do not like the restaurant or had some bad experiences there why why why do you continue going? Why do you hold all of the wait staff personally responsible?

4. You ask your waiter/waitress to fill your kid’s dirty sippy cup with some beverage.

Part 2:

If they say they can not, you try and force the grubby thing into their hands and insist that they do it because your child will not drink out of their cups.

I’m sorry, but if your children are super difficult, bratty, temper tantrum throwing a-holes, don’t take them out, especially if they are very young children.

5. You get up to leave and as you walk out, you “discretely” grab the tip money on the tables as you pass them.

6. You whip your colostomy bag out at the table, and possibly change it and leave the dirty one behind.

What is it with people being disgusting about their colostomy bags? Is it senility? You would think if the person is eating with others who are not senile, they would say something.

7. You leave a piece of inspirational writing in place of the tip. You aren’t be wise, nice or helping anyone. A nice note or something can make a day brightener, as long as there is a monitary tip to go with it.

Confucius actually says: Leave a tip you cheap bastard.


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