Being the caring, generous person that I am, I wanted to warn you that Judgment Day is coming up on Saturday. According to several Christian groups, May 21st 2011 will mark the second coming of Christ.
The movement is led by Harold Camping, who runs the Evangelical network Family Radio. He suggests that at 6pm this Saturday, a violent earthquake will strike, marking the beginning of Judgment Day. He basis this on a mathematical system he created to interpret hidden prophecies in the Bible. The rapture will occur, and then five torment-filled months later, on October 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire.
Also according to Camping, the success of gay pride is a dramatic sign from God to warn the world that we’re on the threshold of Judgment Day. This makes just about as much sense as when Camping tried to warn the world that Judgment Day was coming on Sept. 6, 1994. According to the San Francisco Gate:
On Sept. 6, 1994, dozens of Camping’s believers gathered inside Alameda’s Veterans Memorial Building to await the return of Christ, an event Camping had promised for two years. Followers dressed children in their Sunday best and held Bibles open-faced toward heaven.
But the world did not end. Camping allowed that he may have made a mathematical error. He spent the next decade running new calculations, as well as overseeing a media company that has grown significantly in size and reach.
I don’t know, this whole thing seems pretty legit. I mean, there’s math involved and everything, so it must be true. So go forth and sin for three more days, then throw a quick “Sorry!” God’s way and you should be in. That’s how repenting works, right? Good luck!